I love lists. At the moment, I'm making lots of them: Christmas shopping lists (I know it's early, but I can't resist!), big household jobs, people to call. But my favourite is my 'Adventures to have with the Little One' list. I know we won't be able to do most of the things on it for a while yet, but I am enjoying the anticipation and the value these simple things now have for me.
One of the hardest things about being unwell is the feeling that my illness is stopping me from getting on with my life. I see my friends taking on exciting new challenges - a new job, lots of babies or travelling the world - and it feels so unfair that those things aren't an option for me at the moment. Carpe diem doesn't seem to apply to me!
I feel genuinely happy for friends with wonderful news, but there's always a twinge of awareness that hits. 'You can't do that.' Now, I know things will get better for me - there will be a time when I can work and be much more physically active. But it often feels like the weeks and months I spend waiting for medication to work is wasted time.
Yesterday I was arrested by an everyday moment. It always takes us a while to get ready for the day as I'm very stiff and slow in the mornings. It was 10am and I was drying my hair in our bedroom. The Little One was bouncing around on the bed, giggling as he plunged into the pillows. As he looked at me and grinned, I realised I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Not in a high-powered business meeting, not on a beach in Thailand - I wanted to be here; I was lucky to be here.
I am so thankful for that moment as it made me that realise that time is only wasted if that's how you see it. Every day I have been given is precious and has it's own beauty.
And that's what my 'Adventure list' is all about - I've made a deal with myself that as I start to get more active, my priority will be those precious days out with the Little One. Being unwell has shown me what really matters. I know when the time comes I'll be hit with all kinds of internal pressure to get a job, be useful, be busy, but I'm not going to succumb. First things first.
Showing posts with label positivity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label positivity. Show all posts
Thursday, 9 October 2014
Saturday, 9 August 2014
Life changing
I'm determined that this blog won't be me just venting or complaining. I want it to be a helpful, open dialogue about living with a long-term condition (or several) and how we can learn to deal with its challenges graciously. It's easy to convince yourself that you have a right to complain when things are difficult, but it doesn't help anyone.
I decided to start writing because I want to figure out how I can deal with difficult health issues positively. The last two years have been strange for me. In some ways they have been the worst experience of my life, but I want to look back and see them as life-changing in a positive way. I want to discover what bounty can be taken from the ‘years of waste’ that I currently perceive.
After the birth of my first (and only) baby almost two years ago, I experienced months of severe joint pain, chronic tiredness and rapid weight loss. I was eventually diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis This was a major blow - there is no cure, and coupled with my existing Type 1 Diabetes, I just felt battered. It seemed so unfair that it was happening to me!
However, the promise of effective pain relief in the form of powerful immuno-suppressants cheered me a bit. At least we could do something about the pain and stop the disease progressing. After a few months of treatment the pain eased and I started to feel much better. "Great, life can begin again!" I thought about all the exciting things I would be able to do with my little boy like going on long, tiring day trips and maybe even looking for a part time job. It wasn't to be though - the next few months were riddled with complications - infected blood vessels, swollen arms and then a horrible chest infection that meant I had to stop taking my RA drugs. In a few short weeks I felt the pain creeping back in.
Being in pain for long periods is draining and if you are not careful it can suck the hope and fight from you. When you're feeling low, every working day, every social event, every holiday plan becomes a stressful blip with the potential to cause further pain, fatigue or danger. Before a recent holiday, I realised I was so fearful about the possible difficulties of travelling that I would rather not go.
At that point I knew I had to make a decision - I couldn't go on thinking this way. I couldn't control what was going to happen, so I needed to stop worrying about it and let myself enjoy each experience. The freedom I felt by just choosing to think differently was immense. My mum's old phrase, "Let's cross that bridge when we come to it" has become the mantra I keep having to tell myself again and again.
Having a long-term condition is difficult, but it gives unique opportunities to make the most of what you have, learn to rely on other people and enjoy the small things. That's what I'm interested in talking about - please share your thoughts with me!
I decided to start writing because I want to figure out how I can deal with difficult health issues positively. The last two years have been strange for me. In some ways they have been the worst experience of my life, but I want to look back and see them as life-changing in a positive way. I want to discover what bounty can be taken from the ‘years of waste’ that I currently perceive.
After the birth of my first (and only) baby almost two years ago, I experienced months of severe joint pain, chronic tiredness and rapid weight loss. I was eventually diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis This was a major blow - there is no cure, and coupled with my existing Type 1 Diabetes, I just felt battered. It seemed so unfair that it was happening to me!
However, the promise of effective pain relief in the form of powerful immuno-suppressants cheered me a bit. At least we could do something about the pain and stop the disease progressing. After a few months of treatment the pain eased and I started to feel much better. "Great, life can begin again!" I thought about all the exciting things I would be able to do with my little boy like going on long, tiring day trips and maybe even looking for a part time job. It wasn't to be though - the next few months were riddled with complications - infected blood vessels, swollen arms and then a horrible chest infection that meant I had to stop taking my RA drugs. In a few short weeks I felt the pain creeping back in.
Being in pain for long periods is draining and if you are not careful it can suck the hope and fight from you. When you're feeling low, every working day, every social event, every holiday plan becomes a stressful blip with the potential to cause further pain, fatigue or danger. Before a recent holiday, I realised I was so fearful about the possible difficulties of travelling that I would rather not go.
At that point I knew I had to make a decision - I couldn't go on thinking this way. I couldn't control what was going to happen, so I needed to stop worrying about it and let myself enjoy each experience. The freedom I felt by just choosing to think differently was immense. My mum's old phrase, "Let's cross that bridge when we come to it" has become the mantra I keep having to tell myself again and again.
Having a long-term condition is difficult, but it gives unique opportunities to make the most of what you have, learn to rely on other people and enjoy the small things. That's what I'm interested in talking about - please share your thoughts with me!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)