Wednesday, 11 March 2015

It's been a while, hasn't it? After my last post, things started to get worse again health-wise. The last few months have been tricky - balancing pain, fatigue, a toddler and my first real bits of freelance writing (hurrah!) Managing doctor's appointments and chasing referrals has been a part-time job in itself.

I'm not sure I have much to write about - I don't feel I've made much progress in how I feel about my health, and things have got worse physically. But writing about my experience does help me see the good in my life a bit more - there's a process somewhere in my brain that means putting words on screen brings things into order. I guess it's a well-used therapy tool, writing.

I'm thankful for Spring - it has come at just the right time for me. Being ill in the winter is not pleasant. But sitting here looking out the window at the sunny garden gives me hope. It reminds me that seasons change, and mine will too, sooner or later. Even in this season of pain and unresolved issues, I've made some choices that have been challenging, but so worthwhile.

Taking on some paid work has been wonderful. It reminds me I have an active brain, and it's refreshing to be thinking about things totally outside of the reality of my physical life. It gives me confidence that I do still have skills that I had honed before. I haven't forgotten them, they sit there waiting to be used, whether I call them up or not. There's also an excitement in thinking I can contribute something to the household income. Not megabucks, but something: a extra meal out, or some new furniture.

So what's the rambly message of this post? That hope can come from outside sources - the natural movement of the earth, wonderful friends, good doctors. But it can also come from inside - taking choices that seem overwhelming, but that just might produce joy, purpose and confidence.

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